Broken. Healed. Encouraged. Loved.

This last week was inexplainable.  It flew on by, and yet so much happened.  Easter was only a week ago, but it already feels like it was last month.  I came back to school only on Monday and I experienced the business of classes, homework, and my social life.  It's always good to be at school and to be surrounded by a great community that challenges and encourages me.  I know that I've mentioned that maybe more than a few times on here before, but it's always going to be a truth for me.

God really convicted and challenged me this week.  I knew that I spent the last week or so straying away from Him, not spending time with Him or being very prayerful about my days.  But, God so gently and sweetly broke me of that this week.  Wednesday night at the Cru outreach, we were challenged to ask God to show us our sins, write them down on a piece of paper, nail them to a cross (literally), and then walk in the freedom and joy of the Lord.  God really convicted me and showed me my faults, but He also helped me to walk in that freedom and joy, even though I felt like I was a sobbing, weeping mess.

After that Wednesday night, a friend posted this video.  I have seen this a few times before, but for whatever reason, God really showed His love to me more than ever through it that night.  I watched it at least 4 times and wrote the script down in my journal, sobbing the whole time.  God's love for us is so amazing.  He loves us just because that's the way God is.  He loves us because we are His creation and He just loves to love us.  It's incomprehensible, but that's okay.  It's humbling to know that God knows more than we do and that we won't ever be able to understand Him.

Thursday night I went to the women's Bible study in the east complex on campus.  It was one of the most encouraging Bible studies I have ever been to.  We read Isaiah 43.  I'm not going to post the whole chapter or parts of the chapter on here, because I want you to read it on your own.  God taught us all so much about Himself and His character.  He taught us how to walk in freedom and in perseverance.  We were all so encouraged by each other and by God that night.  The fellowship is always great in that group and it was so wonderful to just be in community with women who are open and vulnerable with each other.

Friday was also great.  I took an unintended nap for 1 hour.  Unintended naps are always the best.  Friday night, I celebrated a birthday with some good friends and then went to another friend's apartment and watched "Captain America" with some other great friends.  It was definitely so perfect to just be in community with women that night.  It was what I needed and God knew was (and always is) so faithful to meet and satisfy my needs.

Saturday, I was sitting outside in the afternoon studying.  I realized that I had some missing notes that were only attainable from a computer.  I didn't want to go inside, so I decided to just sit outside and be with God for a while. It was one of the best quiet times I have had in a few weeks.  God revealed more areas of my life that I need to surrender to Him.  He was so gentle and loving in convicting me.  He didn't tell me that I sucked or that I wasn't worth it unless I changed.  He told me that He loves me and wants to be in control more so that I can have more freedom.  It was definitely one of the most beautiful moments I've had with God.  There's nothing more encouraging than the Lord of lords and King of kings telling you that He loves you and wants you to be freed, joyful, and loved.  Oh yeah, one of the things God told revealed to me is that I've been trying to plan my whole life, minute by minute, day by day, and year by year.  I've been telling God where I am called to ministry.  But, He reminded me that He is the God of the universe.  Who am I to tell the God of the universe where I am going to be after graduation or what I'm going to do this summer?  My reality it this: I am going to be in Moorhead this summer and that is where God wants me to be.  Fargo-Moorhead is my mission field and that is where God wants me to be building His kingdom this summer.  It was so humbling and comforting.  Seriously.

Then, in church this morning, the sermon was on Ecclesiastes 8.  God, once again, reminded me that His wisdom overrides mine.  That I can't plan my whole life out because I don't know what God has planned for my whole life.  I can't determine anything other than who I let have control of my life and heart.  It was so sweet to see that Saturday God was gentle and loving in breaking me and then today He took it a little further.  God knows our hearts so much better than what we do.  He knows what we can and can't handle and how to go about breaking us in way that doesn't make us feel attacked.

If I have anything else to write, it's this: let God love you.  He wants to love and He does love.  He wants you to love Him with the love He gives you.  Watch the video I linked above.  Read Isaiah 43 and Ecclesiastes 8.  Be encouraged.  Be loved.

(I apologize for the long post.  God just kept typing through me.)

What is home?

I never expected to find myself so at home while in college.  I remember telling myself my freshman year that no matter what the situation, I would never feel comfortable or at home until I was done with college.  I would make friends, but they would never replace my family.  I didn't want to allow myself to become part of any sort of community.

God had a totally different, great plan. (Funny how that always happens.)

This year, I have found a community that has not replaced my family, but has definitely become a family to me.  The brothers and sisters I went with to Miami have continued to be a huge encouragement to me.  There's nothing more that's more encouraging than seeing them around campus and taking a minute to say hi and ask about our days.  Until this year and that trip to Miami, I hadn't really felt at home at Concordia.

I'm finally to the point where I don't feel sad on my drives to Moorhead.  I actually get really, really excited!  God has provided such a great community at Concordia.  I can't say it enough.  It's true.  Thank you, brothers and sisters, for allowing God to create a family in Him.  Thank you for the encouragement and for always pushing each other toward Jesus.